Motivation wank

[gurdymonkey]

Really. I have been very good, I think. I get out of bed in the morning. I go to work. Nobody there would ever guess that there is a hole in the world because I can usually bury myself in busywork. It's only when I'm doing my miles that my mind goes places they do not know about.

I forced myself to participate in a demo and to attend an event that required me to drive a couple of hours each direction in the rain. I entertained a house guest and went out to breakfast with her. Then I came home and became a turnip. Because I want to be a turnip right now.

I am aware that this is natural under the circumstances. I am also aware that this is not good.

In the meantime, there's a brand new, used only once PC microphone sitting here on the side of my desk radiating guilt-causing "You blew $40 on me and aren't using me!" vibes. But I did use it. Once. After over a year of hating trying to sing anywhere outside the confines of my truck with the windows firmly rolled up, and less than two weeks after all the light was sucked out of the world.

If I commit the fact that I'm having an idea to writing here in front of you, maybe I'll actually do something un-turnip-like with it. 

Comments

[emma7926.livejournal.com]

:hugs: "not good" by whose definition? The stages of grief all need to be gone through - and they will last for differing lengths of time depending on the person and the nature of their grief. Please don't feel bad for having days where you want to retreat, or for allowing yourself to do so. Yes, I want for you to not want to retreat - but I also know that it will come in time and that trying to force it could backfire.

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

I'm with Emma. A little seclusion in which to grieve is not always a bad thing. Not too long, not so much it is hard to come back out of when it is time, but a certain amount is not bad.

And if you want company, call me. We'll do lunch.

[danabren.livejournal.com]

What they said. It's okay to be a turnip. It's not okay to do it for the rest of your life.

Don't feel guilty for a few days of turnip-hood.

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Burying one's self in activities is a perfectly reasonable way of coping.

It's only a bad thing when you hit a point that you don't think it's acceptable anymore.