Contemplations of a Closet Curmudgeon

As a patron of the arts member of the Asian Art Museum, I received an email yesterday announcing that the museum is accepting applications for their Docent Training Program. Well, hell! I thought. This sounds fabulous. I'd be willing to blow off a few SCA events to do something like that. So I click on the clicky for more information. "The three-year Asian Art Museum docent training program will begin in August 2011 and continue through spring 2014. Training will include weekly lectures, training sessions, workshops, and participation in school programs. During all three years, trainees will be obligated to be at the museum every Friday morning for training lectures from 10:00 am to 12:30 pm for 15 weeks in the autumn and 15 weeks in the spring. Trainees will also be obligated to attend workshops either Friday afternoon or Saturday morning, and will be required to be in the museum a couple of other weekdays each month to participate in school programs."

Oh. you mean nobody who actually, you know, WORKS for a living can participate. And I would have to pay you $1200 not including "all training and reference materials" for the privilege of being qualified enough to be a volunteer for you.

This is of a piece with all the announcements you send me about  special programs and lectures you hold on weekdays! We're not all do-nothing wealthy trophy wives, just 'cause we have paid memberships.

Having received an invitation to a somewhat dressy event in the near future, I went out last night to look at cocktail dresses. Everything I tried on was hideous and/or made me look like a whale - and dammit, I just LOST ten pounds. Black doesn't do anything except make me look OLD.  Bubble hems look retarded on anyone who is not nineteen. And what's up with all this babydoll nonsense? F*** you, Arbiters of Fashion. I found one dress that I didn't hate - but I didn't love it enough to buy it either.

This is me flipping you and your anorexic scarecrows off. Yes, that is my ample backside with hand dyed horizontal stripes blazoned across it.



Then I remembered I'd made a dress awhile back. Silvery gray Chinese brocade with spider chrysanthemums on it. It needs to be taken in along the side seams now (go me!) and maybe I could do something a little different with the neckline, but it's flattering and PRETTY, and I will not look like a hag in it.
Hah!