Be still, my lovelorn heart.

[gurdymonkey]

Today I got an invitation from The Bushi From Mutsu (who, O My Gentle Readers, I have yet to actually meet in person) to grace his Pennsic encampment with my elegant presence, should I be looking for shelter among the pilgrimage-making multitudes there. Yes, poems were enclosed. (This missive also confirms the rumblings I'd heard that he is no longer with his former household. I don't know and probably don't need to know why he moved on, that's his business and I am content to leave it there.)

Pennsic is just not in the budget for this year, not with a wedding to attend back east later this year. I did attend last year, but he did not, to my great disappointment. Is it truly our karma never to actually meet? Nonetheless, it is good to hear from him again.

"How can you do that?" I've had people ask me. I know. How can I trade love poems with someone I never met and him married in real life?

Because we can.

Here's a sample reaction from me upon receiving a poem from my collaborator. That's good imagery. Holy crap, he means ME! (Emotional response.) What do I do now? How do I top that? (Yes, this is more than a little competetive.)

Saionji isn't me, she's just a part of me. The same holds true for my correspondent a continent away. It's roleplaying. Yes, he's written things that have provoked strong emotional reactions from me. In order to write effective responses to his poems, I allow myself those reactions in the compartment of my mind where I am "being Saionji." At the same time, in another compartment, I am always, ALWAYS conscious of the realities.

When we started trading poems and things started getting interesting, I came out and asked him whether there was anyone in his life who would be hurt/jealous/threatened by our correspondence and told him I would stop that instant if so. That was when he told me how much his wife enjoyed reading the latest installments.

Do we have crushes? Do we wonder what if? Ah, that would be telling.

Suffice to say, we have discussed the realities. The love story is a fantasy - the realities are respect and honor and friendship and they are nothing to sneeze at, thank you. I never let myself forget them. I continue to tell him to thank K. for letting him "come out and play." And when that day comes, I hope to be ready, with roses and decadently good chocolate. For her.

Comments

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

That's because it's not polyamory, per se. It's a writing exercise with a friend.

(I am a monogamy kind of gal, maybe pathologically so. Call me old fashioned, that's how I'm hardwired.)

That said, part of said exercise is trying to get oneself into a headspace of a culture with very different views of personal relationships. Someone like Saionji would probably have had her first liaison at age 13 or 14 and her fortunes in the court would rise or fall based upon whose favor she could secure. The very notion of an affair between a woman of the courtier class and a provincial samurai, however, is a bit scandalous. Perhaps this is why there is a great deal of peeping through blinds and passing notes and never managing to actually meet going on. ;-D

[kareina.livejournal.com]

I hope that I don't offend with my use of the term, one thing I've learned since discovering there was a word for those of us who are *not* hard-wired for monogamy is that there are so *very* many forms of polyamory. The term implies only that it is possible to love more than one person. From what I've heard talking to others and reading e-mail lists and web pages on the topic, how that love is expressed varies greatly, and indeed, there are a large number of people who consider themselves polyamorous who are celibate!

Given that knowledge, it is not surprising that I'd apply the term to this situation, even if the "love" is only that which you imagine that Saionji would feel, and it doesn't extend completely to your modern & Medieval European counterparts. (And even if it does, there is naught wrong with it doing so!)