You didn't actually read this because Jehanne NEVER filks.

[gurdymonkey]

For  danabren. This madness was inspired by a post Christmas mall crawl after very little sleep, a late night viewing of "Fellowship of the Rings,"  and a comment by a friend of mine that "You always hear about the Fighting Uruk Hai. What about the omelette making Uruk Hai or the Shopping Uruk Hai?" It also proves that you can make all sorts of things scan to "Men of Harlech."

Men of Gondor sniffing candles,
Hobbit wenches trying sandals,
Ringwraiths rip through racks like vandals,
Shopping Middle Earth.

Aragorn's camped out in Brookstone
Trying a massager lodestone.
Arwen's got a brand new cell phone,
Wonder who she'll call.

Mary Janes of Power
Make the Witch King tower.
Gandalf prowls the food court eyeing tattooed teenaged orclings with a glower.

"Preciousssssssss!" is the shopper's war cry.
When a thing's on sale you just have to buy.
Elven chic beats Trojan tie-dye
Any time of year.

Comments

[danabren.livejournal.com]

Elven chic beats Trojan tie-dye

Elven chic beats ROHAN tie-dye ;)

HILARIOUS!

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

It was written right around the time that "Troy" came out.

I can't see the Rohirrim doing tye-dye....

Arise, like, dudes of Rohan
Totally, like, ride to ruin, whoa,
And like, a bitchin' sunset.

[danabren.livejournal.com]

All that long blonde flowing hair, and the pretty pretty knotwork patterning/Saxon-esque artwork, and you don't think "like, whoa, little horsie dude!"??

LOLOL

I'll go sit quietly in the corner now :)

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

Well, like totally, dude, but I'm still just not SEEING tie-dye.

Which reminds me, I need to pick up some dye and soda ash. I have an idea what I want to do with the striped linen I picked up last week.....

(I really do need to stop channeling Keanu Reeves now and like totally get to work. Whoa.)

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

"Grishnak, party of four....."