Funniest things read today (CONSOLIDATED)

[gurdymonkey]

First prize: The flyer I found in my mailbox from Fletcher Jones Motorcars of Fremont.

"The end of your lease or loan is just a few months away." (How do you know? And must I now give Toyota Motor Credit a piece of my mind?)

"We're prepared to buy your vehicle and put you into a new Mercedes-Benz or Porsche for less than you think."

Sure, but I won't be able to afford the insurance. Or food.

"Your vehicle deserves a premium price, and the buyers  at Fletcher Jones Motorcars of Fremont have been authorized to award you top dollar for your current vehicle, regardless of make or model...."

I drive a no frills 1999 Toyota Tacoma. Her hood rattles in headwinds from a fender bender we had in the first year I owned her. I work her hard. At 98000 miles and a few cosmetic condition issues, no car dealer is going to cut me slack on a trade in. But any Toyota owner (and all of the boys at Bruce's Tire in Oakland) will tell you that at 98000 miles, she's just getting broken in.

Let us now groove to Lyle Lovett in honor of my 'Tite Blanche'
http://play.rhapsody.com/lylelovett/anthologyvol1cowboyman/thetrucksong?didAutoplayBounce=true

Second prize:

"The Almighty Cow
 The Silent Killing Ninja
 The Burger is Served"
 
A stealthy search turned up the source: http://ninjaburger.com/fun/creativity/haiku.shtml

Third prize: Blogspot Quiz on Anger

Because I can't parse the blinkin' CODE from the dumba** quiz.!

"You're occasionally angry, but it's really not an issue.
While you may give in to your temper once and a while, you're pretty mellow.
And as long as your anger doesn't effect your relationships, then it's probably in check.
You know that anger is a bad habit - and you don't engage in it often."  [Yo, moron, that's "AFFECT." Your misuse of the English language is having an adverse EFFECT on my blood pressure.]

In semi related news, I have been left hanging since Sunday morning without satisfaction. Screw him.

Honorable mention: Suspicious sweepstakes email purporting to be from MTV.
Sure, I'd love $500,000, but how come when I go to the MTV International Website I cannot find ANY mention of this sweepstakes?  Of course the MTV websites don't appear to have any email contact links, but I did find a mailing address for their main office in New York. I do believe I shall print out the email and send it to the attention of their legal department. If this is a scam, they should be notified so they can do what they need to at their end. If it is legit, I should be directed to claim my prize in a more secure fashion.

"MTV Networks/ MTV Studios
Hawley Crescent
London, NW1 8TT
United Kingdom

 

Ref: EAASL/941OYI/04
Batch: 074/05/ZY369

 

We are happy to announce to you the draw (#1012) of The MTV Networks, online Sweepstakes International program held on Saturday, March 10, 2007. Your e-mail address was attached to our website with Serial #5368/02.

 

               

 

Which subsequently won you the MTV Networks in the 2nd category, i.e match 5 plus bonus. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of  $550,774.89  in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of $2,203,096.73 shared amongst the (4) lucky winners in this category i.e Match 5 plus bonus.

 

All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online.

 

Please note that your winnings falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your  $550,774.89 would be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe.

 

Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential ( i.e Ref: #/Batch: #) until your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.

 

To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent below:

 

Mr. Charles Ferguson
180 Oxford Street
London, United Kindgdom W1N 0DS
Phone: +(44) 7024 053 120

Phone: +(44) 7024 052 404
Fax: +(44) 8719 941 915
Email: mtvclaims@web2mail.com

 

Provide him with the information below:

 

1.  Name:
2. Address:

3. Age:

4. Country: (Present Location)

5. Nationality:
6. Telephone:
7. Fax number: (if any)
8. Ref #:
9. Batch #:

10. Winning Numbers:

 

Please be informed that to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please quote your reference/batch numbers in any correspondences with our designated agents or us.

 

Congratulations once more from all members and staffs of this programme that has successfully won this competition.

 

Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery program.

 

Yours faithfully,

 

Beth Ritter.
Awards Coordinator-MTV Networks

Sweepstakes International On-line Program.
All rights reserved. Terms of Service - Guidelines
Copyright © 2007 The MTV Networks Inc."

Comments

[danabren.livejournal.com]

Total scam. A friend of mine works for MTV in New York, and they just fired a metric ton of employees, I highly doubt that they'll be giving away money when they're trying to keep the company afloat.

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I massaged Google a bit and found it listed on some scam alert websites.

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

Scam. Too many small errors that leap out immediately and MTV runs out of the US.