"And Zombies" does not instant comedy make.

[gurdymonkey]

My Dear Mr. Grahame-Smith: 

Had you actually bothered to disinter the late Miss Austen long enough to collaborate properly, rather than simply plagiarize random chunks of her generally clever and elegant prose, this reader would not have flung the offending volume in disgust across the drawing room at the repeated mis-use of His Majesty's English. To "dispense with" means to do without. To dispense means to grant, give, or mete, as in "dispense justice." A bottle may perhaps "dispense of" its contents, however, the only way your protagonist might "dispense of" a zombie would be to give birth to one. Or perhaps, since it appears to be a leitmotif of your soi-disant "narrative," vomit one up. 

This writer will say, however, that your novel made a most agreeable thump as it rebounded off the wainscoting.

Your reader no longer,

Jane Eyre Rochester, Vampire Slayer

Comments

[didjiman.livejournal.com]

DO I sense that you are not giving it a 8 stars out of 10 rating thing?

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

It's appalling, and not in a good way.

Author gets 5 points for arming heroine with a Brown Bess, which is a musket that was in use by the British Army during the period in which the novel is set. Author gets negative 20 points for having her shoot multiple "bullets" without having to tear open each cartridge (a paper cylinder filled with black powder and a musket ball) with her teeth, prime the pan from the cartridge, pour the rest of the powder into the musket barrel, reverse cartridge, use ramrod to seat the cartridge, remove cartridge, and THEN fire. One handed, BTW, since she is waving her "Katana sword" (which she got from her Shaolin master?) around her at the same time, thus reducing rate of fire from the reported average of two to three shots per minute.

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

The premise had potential, however, the execution is sloppier than Miss Elizabeth's hems after an invigorating stroll through a dungheap.

You can have my copy gratis and let her judge for herself. If nothing else, it makes an excellent thrown weapon.

[sengokudaimyo.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, this is a REAL book? I'm active in a couple of fora where we regularly make up fake books, fake albums, fake movie posters, and so forth -- like http://www.sengokudaimyo.com/photoshoppage/animalhousegrind.jpg -- and I'd seen images of the cover of this book, but assumed I had done so in one of those fora. Holy CRAP!

[gryffindorgrrl.livejournal.com]

This writer will say, however, that your novel made a most agreeable thump as it rebounded off the wainscoting.

Worthy of Miss Austen herself :-) I love your way with words.

Should revchewie actually procure a copy for me I'm fairly certain I will cringe as much as you did...I do not have a high tolerance for poorly executed Austen tangents, parodies, or sequels.

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

I confess it's also a semi-subtle "Babylon Five" reference.