A Curmudgeonly Public Service Announcement

[gurdymonkey]

The following is the result of two emails I received this morning from someone on behalf of someone who can't keep her panties on because I have not automatically friended her back.

You know what I really hate about LJ and the concept of internet "friends?"

People who "friend" me without identifying themselves. I will not automatically friend you back, especially if your user name gives me no clue as to whether I might already know you. You want to poke around in my journal, pray have the common courtesy to drop me an email and introduce yourself. To do so, you will have to actually read my profile and figure out how.

For my part, this is called being street smart. I get enough New Bestest Friends stalking me on my instant message service because I answered a question for them on a public forum once or via my website*.
(*Clue.)

For your part, O Reader, it demonstrates common courtesy and requires you to make an effort to prove that you are genuinely interested, especially in those cases when I have gone and looked at your profile and thought, "Who IS this? We have nothing in common. Why has this person friended me?"

Yes, I know, it sucks that LJ does not include a place to introduce oneself when one decides to "friend" someone. Use your imagination and think outside the box! Post something to your OWN journal with a subject line of "For person_I_just_friended" and introduce yourself. What a concept.  Or hey, post a comment to a public journal entry and introduce yourself there.

My journal, my rules.

Oh, and what part of the word "curmudgeon" did you not understand?


ADDENDUM: My thanks to those whose mamas raised them up right and have had the courtesy to say, "Hello, it's me!" I do appreciate it. (As of this writing, I am still waiting to hear from the person who felt the need to complain to someone who is a real friend in the non-internet sense that I had not friended her back, prompting this post in the first place. What's up with that?)

If your introduction tells me that you're interested in the things I post publicly anyway, (e.g., Japanese culture, costuming, medieval music or feeble attempts at humor I'm not afraid to keep to myself), you're welcome to tag along. Please don't be offended if I don't add you to my friend's list. The "friends only" posts are just that.

Comments

[elmunadi.livejournal.com]

It *would* be so much simpler if there was an option to "acquaint", "stalk", "vicariously follow the exploits of", or even "troll", rather than just "friend".

but, sadly, not to be.

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

Oh, I LIKE "vicariously follow the exploits of."

Now, who are you, again?

[elmunadi.livejournal.com]

An excellent question - I've tossed a hopefully-not-too-rambling letter of introduction to you by email, but in this context, I'm probably best identified as a Caidan, friend of Sasha's, generally curmudgeonly sort with a career that precludes the level of participation in events that I used to have, and appreciator of the fine art of snarkiness. Given a former persona as Akagawa Yoshio back in the 70's & 80's, your commentary on the perils of doing Japanese *right* in the SCA context interests me. (And I appreciate good curmudge.) In short (ok, too late) - consider me to have set the "acquaint" flag.

- Husam (El Munadi)

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

What is your name?

What is your quest?

What is your favorite color?

[elmunadi.livejournal.com]

1 - Arthur, King of the Britons

2 - I seek the Holy Grail

3 - Is that transmissive color, or reflective color?

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

And why are we in this handbasket?

The Wode to Hell is paved with crushed handbaskets...

[elmunadi.livejournal.com]

I suspect that a large-ish percentage of people "out there" haven't the decency to ask (in some fashion, at least), rather than passively putting the burden on those being ... burdened.

Like you, I don't feel any onus to "friend" someone back if I have no idea who they are (in some context, at least). If they at least comment/ask/otherwise inform me they're there, I'll make the effort to respond (I may say *no thanks*, mind you, and when someone *doesn't* want to be on my list or vice versa, I respect their wishes).

Re: The Wode to Hell is paved with crushed handbaskets...

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

Awise Widers Of Wohan And Wide To Wuin And A Wed Sunset.....

[bovil.livejournal.com]

Once or twice a year I post a public "If you've friended me and I haven't friended you back, it's because I haven't figured out who you are. If I actually know me, let me know in a comment. Commments are screened." post.

[reynardine.livejournal.com]

That's what I do as well. I have a wide variety of interests, so it helps to know in which context someone found me. Likewise, if I friend someone's journal from out of the blue, I usually like to either email or comment so that there isn't that moment of "Who the heck are YOU?"

And I agree: "Friend" is a loaded term. Not sure what else might do, though. "Watcher" sounds vaguely creepy.

[czina.livejournal.com]

Perhaps 'interested bystander'? Less creepy than 'watcher'.

[bebemochi.livejournal.com]

I know you aren't talking about me, but I assumed you figured out who I was because you friended me back. Sorry for not formally introducing myself. It's bebemochi from IG. :)

[gurdymonkey.livejournal.com]

See addendum. You gave me a heads up when you did it - that's fine.

[momstable.livejournal.com]

Let's face it. We are not the intended market for this product. It's not designed for us. It's designed for all those less wary "younger than we are and it shows" folk for whom the advertising is aimed. We understand real friends, so we use the term discriminately. I don't have friends that aren't in my real life. Perhaps the term should be befriend, or be made known to. Or a way one could leave ones calling card at the "door". And then could "be home" to that card or not, as one chose. I rather like that concept, actually.

[mamapduck.livejournal.com]

Very Victorian. I love it.